There are nights when I try to forget I have this thing.

theperksofbeingagoldsworthy:

I’ll take your word for it, alright. No, that’s not the case for me. You’ve been my first priority for a while now, and I like it that way. Okay, I’m wrong. Considering it forgotten, or at least consider this conversation forgotten. Katie…alright. Just, I’m always here. You know that. All you have to do is say the word, I’d do anything for you. But I’ll drop it. 

Thank you, seriously. I don’t know why you’re this invested in me but I do appreciate it but worry less. That’s all I’m asking. Nice loophole but I’ll take what I can get here. I know that you are and if I need you, I’ll say so. It means a lot but things are taken care of. It’s late, I should head off now but I’ll talk to you soon, okay? Night, Eli.

There are nights when I try to forget I have this thing.

theperksofbeingagoldsworthy:

Because you’re my best friend. You feel like my other half, I’d be insane not to tackle this as if it were my own problem. But alright, I believe you. They’re not…no. Not wrong. You’re twisting my words, I don’t mean there’s something wrong. I’m just wondering how you’re handling your stress- if you’re handling it at all. I’m always scared for you, god Katie. Maybe it’s because of what we experienced back then but I always am. I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to offend you. 

And that’s very kind of you but if there was a reason for me to somehow need help, I’d seek it. You have your own life to focus on. I shouldn’t be that much of a concern, at least not in this regard. Well they certainly weren’t good observations you gave so that’s how it came across. I’m getting by and it’s working for me. I have everything under control, I swear I do. Please, Eli. Let it go. It’s okay. Everything is.

There are nights when I try to forget I have this thing.

theperksofbeingagoldsworthy:

Alright, just try to remember that, please. 

Mats, no time or effort placed into you is ever a waste. You have a lot on your shoulders and I wanted to lighten the load if I could. That was all. Are you kidding me right now, you’re taking this out of context somehow and blowing it out of proportion. I’m scared for you. It worries me, the changes I see in you. You might not notice them but I hadn’t seen you in a while, and I know I wasn’t just imagining it. Please don’t be mad at me, please. It was killing me to keep my mouth shut, I needed to bring it up. 

I will, I promise.

I don’t understand why you’re taking this up as a mission of some kind. I’m running out of ways to tell you that I’m alright. The school year is almost over so soon enough my workload will drop significantly. Pardon me but I don’t take well to someone offering up a whole list of things that are apparently wrong with me. You don’t have to be scared, Eli. I’m perfectly fine. Maybe you are seeing things. I feel okay because I am okay. Just forget it. I’m done talking about this.

There are nights when I try to forget I have this thing.

theperksofbeingagoldsworthy:

You are, I wish you wouldn’t. If I wanted to be spending my time any other way, I would. But you’re all I want. 

Fine, fine. The way you’re getting defensive over this speaks volumes as to just how unnecessary my concern is. It wasn’t intended to be one, I just can’t bite my tongue about this anymore. It wasn’t just that you barely ate. Your face got thinner. There’s barely anything to your wrists anymore and you look sluggish as all hell, like you don’t have enough energy. Are you honestly about to get offended over me expressing concern? Katie, be reasonable. I wouldn’t bring this up if I didn’t see a need. 

I’ll try to work on that, okay? I know you wouldn’t do something you don’t want to so if you’re choosing to talk to me, it’s because you actually have a desire to do so.

I don’t want you wasting your time and putting stock where it doesn’t need to go. I just have a lot going on with school and making sure we end the year on a high note. I don’t get why we’re having this discussion in the first place. So what? You were sizing me up the entire time? Taking notes about me when you should have been focusing on the film? I have every right to be when you’re giving a whole rundown about my body. There’s nothing left to discuss.

There are nights when I try to forget I have this thing.

theperksofbeingagoldsworthy:

Taking every possible chance to belittle yourself. 

Being independent doesn’t mean you never need help or support. I’m plenty independent but there was a while that I really needed you, and you were right there for me. That’s bullshit, there’s cause for concern. Have you been eating? And keep it down? I’m not attacking you, please don’t think I’m attacking you. It’s just…you barely ate on our movie outing and you looked so thin. I don’t remember you being that thin. 

I didn’t realize that I was.

Yeah, well there’s nothing going on with me that requires your time or attention so you don’t need to concern yourself much with me in that regard. If I needed help with anything, I know you’d be there, okay? I know that. That certainly sounds like an attack to me. Of course I’ve been eating. I ate before we went out, I didn’t think anything of it. My weight is just fine. I can’t believe you’re even asking me about this stuff.

There are nights when I try to forget I have this thing.

theperksofbeingagoldsworthy:

I hope so. Mats, stop. 

It’s not about taking care of you. I know you’re perfectly independent. You never let anyone help though, and I practically beg to be of use to you half the time. I know things were a little off, but it was perfect to me. Katie, come on. You’re not taking care of yourself, mentally or physically. 

Stop what?

Exactly, I am independent therefore I don’t need anyone trying to step in, especially seeing as though there isn’t a problem with me. You worry over nothing, Eli. Yeah, they were but we needed to at least try and mend things a bit. Excuse me? What is that suppose to mean? I’m perfectly fine. I don’t get what you’re aiming for here.

There are nights when I try to forget I have this thing.

theperksofbeingagoldsworthy:

Yeah. It’s bittersweet, but it feels good to make. Like some semblance of closure is finally there. As if you could. You come second place to nothing in my eyes. 

…alright. I just worry about you, that’s all. Sorry if I’m being overly concerned. Yeah, I know we did. Not much time needs to pass for me to end up missing you again, if I’m being honest. No, I just- you get vague and I read into things, fill in the blanks. You haven’t been yourself. At all. 

I’m sure everyone will really appreciate it, especially those closest to the victims. There’s plenty I could come second place to but thanks for thinking differently, I guess.

You don’t have to worry about me. I can take care of myself and either way, nothing’s wrong. It’s fine, you’re fine, seriously. That’s sweet of you. I didn’t think I made for fun company but that’s reassuring. There aren’t any blanks. What are you talking about? Please, enlighten me.

There are nights when I try to forget I have this thing.

theperksofbeingagoldsworthy:

Eh. Exciting, cathartic, a bit of both. It’s actually about the Panther fiasco, everything that happened. I figured it’d serve as a nice final project, something to help reflect. You’re far better than a paper. This is the best way the night could have gone. 

I know you’re restless when you’re not tackling a project, but don’t overwork yourself. Really. I worry about you burning yourself out. Alright, just making sure. Katie, I’ve missed you. Stop trying to make it seem like I’d rather be doing something else. That wasn’t vague at all. 

That’s great, really. I still can’t believe any of it happened but a final project like that should let people get closure and be a good tribute to those we lost this year. I’m happy to hear that. It’d be a bit disconcerting to come second place to an essay.

I’m not overworking myself. My schedule is pretty decent, or at least I think so. I feel just fine; you don’t have anything to worry about, okay? I…oh. Well, I’ve missed talking to you too. I mean, we hung out not too long ago and that was nice. I’m not trying to do that, sorry. What do you want me to say? You asked a question and I answered it.

There are nights when I try to forget I have this thing.

theperksofbeingagoldsworthy:

I’m perfectly fine with slacking for a night. I spent most of the day editing a video I’m working on, so it’s probably warranted anyway. I’d take your company over Perino’s bullcrap assignment any day. 

I understand. It’s a never ending stream of work with these extra curriculars you’ve got. Am I distracting you from that? The offer to talk another time goes both ways, you know. It’s really quite fine. If being antsy also means I can talk to you for a while before I sleep, I’ll gladly take it. Yeah, same. Uh, how have you been feeling aside from school?

You’re working on a new video? That must be exciting. What’s it about? In that case, yeah, you should have some time for yourself. I’m a decent consolation in comparison, I’d imagine. His assignments can get overly tedious at times.

It is but I like having something to work on at all times. Being idle for too long doesn’t sit well with me. No, you’re not. i got most of that stuff squared away. I have to meet with Marisol tomorrow to go over some details. Sleep is important. I wouldn’t want to keep you from it when we could always talk another time. I’ve been fine, thanks.